I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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