it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
