The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
