I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
