I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
