I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
