im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
