I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
