I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
