You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
How does one acquire holy water?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
