That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
