Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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