You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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