Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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