I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
