can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
