Little spoons don't ask big questions
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I think I just sharted jello shots
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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