Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
