11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize
