Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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