Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
