who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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