the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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