the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
