Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
