my phone cant type all the emotion im having
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Your penis caused this!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
