WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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