Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
