It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
