Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
