ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
