Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
