If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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