Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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