you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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