3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
