You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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