hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
