my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Randomize
