I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I can tuck mytits in my pants
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
