honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
