can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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