Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Randomize
