I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
