I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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