He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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