I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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