wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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