I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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