Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
