trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
