Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize