never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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