Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
