Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
