So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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