Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
