you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
