I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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