My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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