dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
