Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
