it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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