WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
