I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
