He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize