I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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