I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
