12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
