Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
